Evolution

Recently it had occurred to me that I am not pleased with the way evolution is going.

Of course I like eating with forks (in restaurants) and using support for my gluteus maximus when I rid of bodily toxins and fluids (squatting makes my toe muscles spasm) but the art of conquering a sexual conquest still lies in the primitive side of my brain.

Especially now, in the 21st century, that before you can even start a regular vocal conversation with your desired target mate you must first virtually “poke” or “lol” on a comment they had made on Facebook. It is social protocol and that is why you must! I like my 400 something Facebook friends and I must obey by these rules if I want to maintain them. It really is upsetting when you see that number go down. IQ isn’t relevant anymore – it’s the number of friends that tells you the most about someone’s integrity as a member of this society.

But back to the topic. I will be willing to give up some of my Facbeook friends for only one thing.. The chance to collect sex points like Mufasa. I don’t want to chat you up and find out what you do between 2 and 4pm every day. I don’t care to hear where your parents were having lunch when they decided to name you “Apple”. I want to get straight to the point. I want to swing my tail once and have you plow me in the savannah near a body of water where little hippos bathe and the cubs of other lionesses play. I don’t want to wait two months to find out whether you’re packing or lacking. I want it now. I want to RAWR so loud the monkeys on the trees stop in the midst of flea picking the yummiest fleas off their best buds' backs.

Ohhh that’s a nice dream.. but for now I must return to reality. Simba just sent me a BBM – I must reply.