Recently I noticed that I became a lot harsher on men.
Of course we all hate games and coyness when it comes to new relationships, but we still take part in them because we know that we want to win. I used to be smart. I knew that the way to get a man to stick around was to follow the stupid rules of the game. I knew that there was ONE prize for only ONE contestant – circular in shape – for the man my vagina – for me a ring with a rock. I also knew, that no matter what man I met, if I played right and counteracted against all the exit strategies my cock had – it would be trapped like a hairless little lab mouse on experimental hallucinogenic drugs in the unsolvable maze I call MY LIFE. No cheese for you Pinky … no cheese for you.
Instead of just thinking about it internally or shit talking with my friends, like I used to, whenever a new potential cock would come along, I actually started aggressively responding to any forward game playing moves my partner would attempt to make. I didn’t care to play along, we both know why you do or say certain things, why do I need to play along just so I could keep you interested in me?!
Well I’ll tell you why…
I noticed that my failure wasn’t at acquiring cock – it was at keeping it. I guess calling out every move like the infamous “I-won’t-respond-to-your-last-text-until-tomorrow-morning-so-I’ll-have-an-excuse-to-start-talking-to-you” move, or the more widely spread “i-will-contact-you-via-email-or-facebook-chat-eventhough-you-gave-me-your-number-so-you-won’t-think-im-overly-eager-to-speak-with-you” move, wasn’t something my cocks found charming or intelligent. I thought I was being smart. I thought I was being refreshing and sincere.
No one likes sincere – this is a society where every American politician has Justin Bieber and Miley Cyrus video playlists on their YouTube channels – and not for the same reason little 12 year old Jenny has them.
When I finally stepped back and analyzed my situation and saw that the amount of pregnancy scares was diminishing, my condoms started gathering dust, and my Avatar suit was getting moth holes for being stored in my closet for too long, I knew it was time for a change I knew it was time to act stupid again.
I am now happily back on track and winning more than Charlie Sheen. So gather up your soldiers Mr. Cock – because Spermicide is not my only weapon.
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